


i wanna, i wanna be loved

by darkrosemind



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, Falling In Love, Rosa has feelings, bi character(s), can u believe, coming to terms with feelings, rosa has emotions!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 09:22:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18657568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkrosemind/pseuds/darkrosemind
Summary: All of her life, Rosa Diaz had built up inexplicable walls around herself. The rules were simple: no feelings were to be let in or out.She was doing pretty well with these rules ― that is, until prison happened and then the whole coming out disaster also happened. Her walls broke down, but not before she could build them up stronger than ever.But then, Jocelyn Pryce happened.





	i wanna, i wanna be loved

**Author's Note:**

> title lyrics from "Run and Hide" by Sabrina Carpenter
> 
> y'all okay i know i write mostly dianetti & i love dianetti with all of my heart and i ship them a lot and all, but i can love two things!!! rosa and jocelyn are so adorably cute and i love them so so much and they deserve all of the happiness

Rosa doesn't know exactly when she starts feeling raw emotions, but she's sure it happens sometime after prison. Suddenly, she has the need to see the Nine-Nine every day. She finds herself dialing her parents' numbers after long days of work. Heck, she even calls her sister a few times and goes to her niece's school play.

And to her surprise, they let her in. Rosa doesn't know what kind of an illusion prison had created in her mind― that she can't be loved no matter what― but it breaks away piece by piece and she slowly begins to let everyone in. She finally belongs to a family. She knows that she is _loved._ And she lets herself love.

It's a huge step for Rosa Diaz. Sure, she still maintains her badassness and her show of apathy, but something more opens up inside of her. She still scares everyone to hell, but they all love her nevertheless.

So when she opens up even _more_ and comes out to her parents, Rosa's walls start building up again. She had known that there would be a possibility of them not accepting that part of her, but she hadn't expected it to hit so hard. Rosa spends sleepless nights for days afterward, and small changes start to take place. The number of beer bottles in the trash can in her kitchen grow. The number of knives sticking in the wall grow. The number of coffee cups in the trash can by her desk at work grow.

Rosa starts closing herself out to everyone. Her routine starts looking monotone: she goes to work. She works. She comes home. She opens a beer bottle. She lays in bed until the next day of work. The only thing slightly distracting her from all of it is Jocelyn Pryce, an intriguing woman who Rosa can't help but getting attached to, merely minutes after they first meet.

But it hurts. Rosa does her best to try and not get emotionally attached to Jocelyn; to not start falling in love. She fails, miserably. And it hurts, even more, when Rosa realizes that her parents will never ever accept her being with Jocelyn. They will never love her.

Jake starts noticing that something is wrong first, at one of their family game nights. "What's going on?" he asks with concern, after pulling Rosa away to the kitchen. "You let Charles beat you at Battleship for the _second_ time. Something's up."

Rosa frowns and crosses her arms. "You don't know that," she argues. "And Charles has been… getting better at Battleship."

Jake raises an eyebrow. "You and I both know that's not true," he says. He walks over to the trash can and puts his foot on the foot pedal. The lid pops up. "There are like, _eight_ beer bottles in here. And I know that you take your trash out on Wednesdays. It's _Saturday._ Rosa, I want to help you. Please tell me what's going on?"

Rosa sighs and leans against the kitchen counter. "I'm fine, Jake." His forehead wrinkles with concern and he peers straight at Rosa's eyes. Only a few seconds pass before Rosa looks away in defeat. She grits her teeth before speaking. "I'm fucking scared, okay? Right after prison, I started feeling like I finally _belonged._ And then the whole thing with my parents happened, and it's just so… _heartbreaking._ To know that if I love a woman, then they won't love _me._ "

Jake slowly walks closer to Rosa and then pulls his arms around her. Rosa lets herself fall into the hug. Her eyes well up with tears and they spill into Jake's shoulder. They stay like that for a few minutes, with Jake hugging Rosa close and Rosa sniffling into Jake's shoulder before someone clears their throat.

Rosa shakily steps away from Jake. She furiously wipes her eyes before looking up at Gina, who gazes back at Rosa with soft eyes and a sad smile that seems to say a million words. But without saying a word, Gina walks over and pulls Rosa into a tight hug.

"We're your family, Rosa. And we love you so much," Jake says. "And we wanna help you, okay?"

Rosa nods into Gina's shoulder. A second later, Gina finally lets go and looks into Rosa's eyes. Rosa's scared, helpless eyes. "Rosa, seriously. We're here for you. I will literally go and tell your parents off. Or I could tweet at them. Do you have their twitter handles?"

Rosa shakes her head.

"Their Instagrams? Snapchat? Facebook? No?  _Nothing_? Damn, of course. You guys are Diazes," Gina says, shaking her head in disbelief. "But you're amazing, Rosa. Trust me, your parents have no idea what they're talking about."

Rosa nods and wipes her tears on her sleeve. "I seriously love you guys so much," she says hoarsely. "I― I'm actually seeing someone right now."

Jake's jaw drops open. "Who?? Tell us everything!" he begs.

Rosa cracks a smile. "She's really great. I think I really like her." It's the first time that Rosa admits to herself, to anyone, that she really likes Jocelyn Pryce. "She's just… I don't know? She's so kind and smart and everything good," Rosa continues.

"Well, when can we meet her?" Gina demands.

"We're your family," Jake adds, "so we totally have the right to meet her, right?"

Rosa smiles softly. "Maybe someday," she says.

And eventually, they do meet her. Jocelyn wants to hang out one night when most of the Nine-Nine is at Shaw's. Rosa is a little bit drunk, obviously, so she invites Jocelyn over and is immensely pleased when the Nine-Nine seems to love her. Rosa even kisses Jocelyn in front of them without a care in the world. 

Everything is different with Jocelyn. Rosa just… cares about her more than she'll ever care to admit. She wants to make Jocelyn happy. She gets chills whenever Jocelyn reaches for her hand. Her heart goes haywire every time their lips meet.

And just like that, Rosa's letting everyone back in. She's happier than she's _ever_ been because she can finally admit that she's kind of drunk in love with Jocelyn Pryce. Rosa lets Jocelyn do her hair up in weird, elaborate styles. She lets Jocelyn cuddle her at night when she can't sleep. Because Rosa Diaz is finally _ready_ to be in love. She's okay with it. She's okay with admitting that she's _in love._ And she's ready for commitment. 

But love comes at a price. Suddenly, Rosa has more to think about when she's working on dangerous cases. It's not just a casual "oh, play Marianas Trench at my funeral," anymore, but it's also "I want to go home tonight to see my girlfriend, aka the woman I love, aka love of my life, so I guess _don't_ play Marianas Trench at my funeral because I don't want to die tonight."

She can't just think about herself anymore. She has to think about Jocelyn.

So when Jocelyn breaks up with Rosa, she also breaks Rosa's _heart._ Rosa doesn't think she's ever cared for someone in the way she's cared for Jocelyn, and breaking up with Jocelyn is the last thing that she ever wants.

"I really love her," she tells Jake later on, and suddenly, she knows what she needs to do. Rosa sprints across the bullpen and pushes into the elevator. She looks at Jocelyn, breathless, and closes her eyes for a few seconds.

And then they talk and suddenly, they're okay. Rosa has a second chance at love. And she promises Jocelyn that she'll do better before kissing her with a sudden desire. "I sent flowers to your hotel room," she murmurs when they break away.

"Damn, that's kind of romantic," Jocelyn says. She pulls the collar of Rosa's jacket and leans up to kiss her again. "I really didn't wanna break up with you. You mean a lot to me."

"You mean a lot to me," Rosa says before a smile breaks out onto her face. "You're―" her voice breaks for a moment, but Rosa continues speaking. "I think I might kinda love you."

"Yeah?" Jocelyn says, pulling her arms around Rosa's neck. "Me too. I might kind of love you too."

Rosa sighs in relief before shifting her hands to Jocelyn's waist and kissing her again.

Rosa's the happiest she could ever be. She finally knows that she's _loved._ She's got a _family._ And she doesn't have to run away from any of it, because she loves every moment of it.

**Author's Note:**

> can you hear me screaming  
> (also woah the bitch who wrote this sure does love her commas)


End file.
